


But he's my...

by Chimney_on_the_roof



Series: His Silver Lining [6]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Christmas, Fluff, Gay John Laurens, Holidays, M/M, Music, New Year's Eve, Pining, Trans Alexander Hamilton, Trans Male Character, duh - Freeform, gee i don't want to spoil in the tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26145712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chimney_on_the_roof/pseuds/Chimney_on_the_roof
Summary: “You know,” John said after a short silence, “This is my first Christmas without my family. I haven’t heard anything from them, not even a text from my sister. I think my father prohibited my siblings to interact with me.”A.k.a. Alex and John spend Christmas with Lafayette's family,a.k.a. lots of happiness, lots of pining, lots of fluff :)
Relationships: Adrienne de Lafayette/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette (background), Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: His Silver Lining [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1872574
Comments: 24
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Read this fic after you've read the previous parts in the series!!

“Hi Lafayette,” Alex said into his phone, and John looked up from where he was reading a book on Alex’s bed.

“Hey Alex. I was wondering, what are your plans for the holidays?”

“Christmas?”

“Uh, yeah, duh.” Alex could practically hear Lafayette roll his eyes and he smiled. He looked at John, who was watching him with curiosity.

“I was planning on staying here. In the apartment,” he clarified.

Lafayette made a disapproving noise.

“What?”

“My father says you can stay with us.”

Alex was silent and looked at John, who looked back. He lowered his phone, but immediately brought it up to his ear again. “Uh,” he said. John raised an eyebrow at him. “Let me think about it.”

“Of course. Bye!”

“Bye.” He ended the call.

“Who was that?” John asked. Alex shrugged.

“Lafayette. What are you doing for Christmas?”

John had the same hesitation as Alex. Eventually he said, “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m welcome at home. Why?” Alex noticed how he still called his house in South Carolina ‘home’ and felt a pang of sadness.

“Lafayette said I could spend Christmas with his family. Maybe you can too?” he asked hopefully. John made a face. “I don’t know anyone there.”

“You know me,” Alex said. John shrugged. “What else are you going to do?” Alex asked. “Stay here on your own, holed up in your room?”

“Mr. Adams will be here.”

“Who?”

“The house owner?”

“Oh, is that his name.” John chuckled and Alex smiled sheepishly. “I’ll ask Lafayette if you’re welcome.”

A week later, a day before Christmas Eve, John and Alex found themselves in front of the Washingtons’ house. From the corner of his eye Alex saw that John wasn’t as impressed with the size of the house as Alex still was. They followed George, who had driven them here, into the house where Lafayette was waiting for them.

“Alex! And you must be John,” he said with an elegant bow.

“And you must be Lafayette,” John said, mirroring his bow. Alex watched them with amusement. He could see them become friends, unlike John and Thomas. John and Lafayette grinned at each other.

“I’ll show you to your room. Do you two mind sharing a room?”

Alex and John exchanged a look and shook their heads. Lafayette smiled at them. “Great! Follow me.” He showed them to the room Alex had spent the night when he forgot his keys to the apartment, but this time there was an extra mattress on the floor. They dumped their bags by the door while Lafayette nearly bounced down the stairs, and Alex found his mood to be contagious. He and John smiled at each other and they followed Lafayette downstairs. Alex wanted to hold John’s hand, but didn’t.

A few weeks had passed since Alex had last been to the Washingtons’ house, and apart from the Christmas decorations, the place hadn’t changed much. Maybe those apples in the fruit bowl hadn’t been there the last time. Martha was just as warm and welcoming as before.

“Welcome, dears! Is the bedroom good?”

John and Alex nodded. “Yes, ma’am,” John said.

“Please, call me Martha.” She reached out a hand and John shook it. “John,” he said.

“I’m Alex,” Alex said unnecessarily. He hated these formal introductions. Martha smiled at him.

“Come here, dear,” she said, and hugged him.

Alex almost teared up. The hug made a warm feeling spread through his chest, different than when John hugged him. He supposed this was what a mother’s love felt like. He hadn’t had a mother since he was a child, and this was the first thing that made him remember his mother so well. Martha gave him a final squeeze and let him go. Alex smiled at her, hoping she could read the gratitude in his eyes.

He saw John stand awkwardly to the side, and Martha noticed it too. “You look like you need a hug as well,” she said, and John smiled sadly. Alex grinned as Martha took him in her arms. John was taller than Martha – Alex supposed he was the only one who wasn’t – but he seemed smaller in her arms. Alex watched him with what he was sure were heart-eyes.

“What’re we eating for dinner?” Lafayette asked, poking his head around the doorframe. Martha let John go and squeezed his shoulder.

“You’ll see,” she said, making her way to the kitchen. Turning back to Alex and John in the doorway she said, “Alex, you know the way? Dinner will be here in a few minutes if the delivery service is on time.” Alex saluted and walked over to where he thought the dining room was with John in his stride. Lafayette and Martha disappeared into the kitchen.

“If they’ve ordered takeaway, what are they doing in the kitchen?” John asked, half to himself. Alex chuckled.

“I was wondering the same thing.”

They found out a few minutes later. The bell rang and soon George brought a plastic bag into the dining room. Martha and Lafayette followed with two bowls of salad. They set it down on the table and took their seats, while George unpacked the bag. He named the food in the smaller plastic containers as he put them on the table, and Alex had no idea what the names meant, but he saw John nodding along. When it was all set up George led them in prayer, fortunately something Alex was familiar with, and John next to him too, apparently.

George told them to take as much as they wanted, and Alex looked at the food with a helpless frown as the others scooped the yellow and brown food onto their plates. He decided to take some salad. John nudged his arm.

“Here, try this,” he said as he pushed his plate with yellow and orange stuff towards Alex. Alex took a bite, and tilted his head in appreciation. “Hmm, I like it.”

John smiled. “I thought you would.” He scooped some of the same stuff on Alex’s plate.

The Washingtons made pleasant conversation, asking their guests about their hobbies and other things about them. Lafayette kept looking between John and Alex from the other side of the table.

“What?” Alex asked him at one point.

Lafayette raised his eyebrows innocently. “Hmm?”

Alex huffed and ignored it. He found that somehow Lafayette was easier to talk to when Hercules wasn’t there. He knew it would sound mean if he said it out loud, but Hercules was intimidating and Alex didn’t know him very well, whereas Lafayette was an open book. Except that Lafayette hadn’t told him he was adopted until a few weeks prior, but Alex hadn’t told him he was an orphan either. He suspected Lafayette and his parents knew, though.

Alex and John helped the Washingtons clear the table after they were done eating, and they went upstairs to their shared room to prepare their beds since the mattresses didn’t have sheets yet.

“Where do you want to sleep?” John asked when they were both in the doorway looking at the mattresses – one on the bed, the other on the floor. Alex shrugged.

“You can have the bed if you want, I really don’t mind.” His heart was racing at how close they were standing. Their hands almost brushed. He looked up at John and appreciated the curls that weren’t in a ponytail for a change.

“Okay,” John said, and he looked at Alex who started to blush and quickly looked away. Martha had told them the sheets were in a drawer, and they started preparing their beds. Alex was finished before John was, and he lay down on top of the sheets with his phone – or rather, the phone he was still borrowing from the Washingtons. John joined him a moment later with his own phone.

“Should we send a Snapchat of how good of a time we’re having?” Alex asked jokingly. John chuckled. “Sure.”

Alex held up his phone and took a picture of them lying on the bed. Barely seconds later Lafayette barged into their room with his phone in one hand. “Are you guys having fun without me?” Alex grinned and sat up.

“How can we have fun when you’re not here?”

Lafayette put a hand to his chest. “I’m finally getting the recognition I deserve, thank you.” He flopped down next to John. Alex lay back down so they were all lying on the bed.

“So,” Lafayette said, looking at John.

“So?” John turned his head to look at Lafayette. Alex couldn’t see it, but he bet John was raising an eyebrow.

“Are you being nice to my Alex?”

Alex rolled his eyes and went back to playing a dumb game on his phone.

“Would you believe me if I said yes?” John asked. Alex could hear the smile in his voice.

“Hmm, I don’t know, you could try.”

“Yes, Lafayette,” John said in an overly sweet voice, “I am being very nice to your Alex. See, last week we went to the store and I bought him a chocolate bar.”

“No you didn’t,” Alex muttered under his breath.

“Okay, I believe you,” Lafayette said. He supported himself with his arms to say over John to Alex, “I like him. Can we keep him?”

“You rather than me,” Alex said smiling. He was glad John and Lafayette were getting along.

“We all know that’s not true,” Lafayette said, letting himself fall back on the bed. John chuckled, and Alex shuffled closer to him with a blush.

Alex had a hard time falling asleep that night. The sheets were soft and smelled fresh, the room was dark, and John was right there. The window was open and Alex could hear the leaves of a tree that hadn’t lost them to the winter rustle in the wind, and from time to time he heard a bird which he assumed was an owl. Now and then a car passed by, making moving rectangles on the ceiling with the headlights that shone through the curtain. He could hear John breathe and occasionally turn. Once his eyes got used to the dark, he could see the bed and John’s silhouette.

“John?” Alex whispered. John didn’t stir. Alex sat up. “John?” he whispered louder. He looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. 1.34 AM.

He stayed still, looking wide-eyed at John, until he was certain John wasn’t awake. He didn’t want to wake him up just because he couldn’t sleep. He threw his blankets off and got to his feet. The carpet was soft under his bare feet. He opened the door as silently as possible and slipped out to go to the bathroom. The bathroom door creaked and he winced, hoping he hadn’t woken anyone up. He quickly locked the door behind him and turned on the lights. In a reflex he shut his eyes against the light, and he blinkingly opened them a crack.

He poured himself a cup of water and drank it, and then he had to pee so he went to the toilet. He had to work up the courage to flush the toilet because he was certain he would wake up everyone within a four mile radius. He did it, eventually, because he was getting cold feet and wanted to be back in bed.

When he was back under the covers he let his eyes get used to the darkness again, and he started thinking. There was one thing on his mind that he kept thinking about. It used to be his gender that was always on his mind, but these last few weeks it was John. John was on his mind a lot. He looked over to where John was sleeping.

He liked John. It had taken him some time to admit that to himself, but there was no denying it. In fact, the word ‘like’ wasn’t exactly the word for what he felt for John. John made him feel safe, John felt like home, which he hadn’t been able to say about anything or anyone since he lost his mother. He wanted to stay with John forever, even if it meant he only got to look at him. But he loved it when John ran a hand through his red hair, when John wiped his tears away, when John hugged him and held him. Thinking of John made his heart ache, and tears blurred his vision of John’s silhouette.

He thought back to the day he and John started to connect. He’d been feeling bored and empty before John had taken him to his room and they danced to old music.

That day was the day he got a rejection for a job he’d applied for. It wasn’t his first rejection, but he had a good feeling about it after the interview. He really wanted that job, and needed it because he didn’t have much money. College took a lot of time and this was a job he could work from home. It was the perfect job, but he was rejected. _We found someone better suited for this position_ , the email said. To avoid thinking about it, he had started working through his homework until there was nothing left to be done. At least, nothing he could do that didn’t remind him of that stupid job rejection.

And then John came into his life. More specifically, into his room. John noticed he wasn’t feeling his best and had talked to him, and knew exactly what he needed. They danced and John completely took his mind off irrelevant things as school and jobs.

John turned and mumbled something. “What?” Alex whispered, not expecting a response. He didn’t get one.

He started crying silently, and he didn’t know why exactly. Maybe it was because of how grateful he was that John was here, or maybe it was because John was so far away. Sometimes it felt like there was an invisible wall between him and John keeping them from getting too close to each other.

Sometimes the wall seemed to disappear, like in the intimate moments they sometimes shared after upsetting events. Then he could put his head on John’s shoulder and John would run his hand through Alex’s hair. But in the daylight the wall was too strong to beat. He wanted to hold John’s hand, he wanted to- He wanted to kiss John.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex must’ve managed to fall asleep, because he also managed to wake up in the morning, although with puffy eyes. John was still asleep and Alex saw it was around seven o’clock. He calculated he’d been asleep for approximately five hours. It was dark outside and he supposed that if nobody would wake him up, John would sleep until sunlight streamed into the room, which would be about two hours later.

He got up and went to the bathroom. He washed his face, hoping to wash away the bags under his eyes or at least the puffy feeling. Then he silently got dressed in the guest room and he slipped out of the room again. He’d make his bed later.

He walked down the creaking stairs and turned on the light in the kitchen. He’d had breakfast here before, but had no idea where everything was located. He opened a random cabinet and found out it was filled with glasses and mugs. The next one he opened was filled with plates, and he found a stack of bowls which he took one of. After searching through a couple of cabinets he found an opened box of cereals and he poured it into the bowl. The fridge wasn’t hard to locate and he poured milk into the bowl. Then he found a spoon in one of the drawers and he sat down at the kitchen table to eat his breakfast. He wondered why the Washingtons had different tables for different meals.

Alex started imagining dozens of rooms with tables for different occasions and meals. One for breakfast, for lunch, brunch, breakfast in bed which consisted of tables with beds attached to them, snacks, … He was startled from his daydreams when Martha walked into the kitchen in her night gown.

“Good morning, dear! You’re up early. Did you sleep well?” she asked, grabbing herself a plate.

“Good morning. Yeah, relatively well, once I fell asleep.”

Martha put some bread in the toaster and leaned against the counter. “Is the bed good?” Alex nodded.

She smiled. “You’re wearing your shirt inside out.” Alex looked down and saw she was right. He shrugged and decided to fix it later. He took another spoonful of cereal.

“By the way,” Alex said after he swallowed, “I still have the phone you gave me. Do you know if my own phone works again?”

Martha sadly shook her head. “I’m afraid it’s dead. George let it dry for a week, but the phone had a short circuit. You can keep that phone until you have a new one.”

“Okay, thanks,” Alex mumbled, quickly shoving another spoonful of cereals in his mouth. He wondered how he was going to pay for a new phone, and he hoped the Washingtons wouldn’t miss the one he was currently borrowing from them.

After about a half hour of finishing his breakfast and playing around on his phone, Alex greeted George who walked into the kitchen looking like he’d just woken up, which he probably had.

“Good morning, son,” George said. Alex froze, but didn’t say anything. He still had mixed feelings about being called ‘son’.

“Do you want coffee, Alex?” George said over his shoulder.

“Please.”

He made coffee and put a big mug with the text ‘Best dad in the world!’ with coffee in front of Alex. He smiled a little.

“Lafayette gave me that for my first birthday since he was adopted,” George said, nodding at the mug. Alex forced another smile.

George took a sip from his own coffee. “Though I prefer this one.” He showed Alex the picture on his mug, and Alex snorted a laugh. It was a picture of a happy family embracing each other with the text ‘Your photo here’ printed on it. “I have no idea who they are,” George sighed. Alex chuckled.

Alex helped Martha in the kitchen despite her polite protests. He wanted to make himself useful since his friends weren’t up yet. As Alex had predicted, Lafayette and John came into the kitchen at the same time two hours after he had woken up.

“Your shirt is inside out,” John told Alex.

“I know,” he said, and he helped John make his breakfast while Lafayette made a cup of coffee for himself.

Alex sat down with his second coffee at the table with Lafayette and John. George and Martha had filed out of the kitchen. “Truer words have never been spoken,” John said, pointing at Alex’s mug. Alex chuckled a little and saw Lafayette look away with a smile.

Lafayette showed the boys around the mansion and they lingered in a big room with bookcases and a large screen with a projector. “Our ‘entertainment room’,” Lafayette said, making air quotes. “We watch films here and it’s a nice place for reading.” Alex looked at the bookcases with wide eyes while Lafayette showed John how the projector worked.

“Damn,” Alex muttered under his breath when he found an entire bookcase about politics and the founding of America. He looked back at the screen to tell John about it, but didn’t see him there. Then he heard music and he followed the sound to the room next door. He came to a stop in the doorway when he saw John on the bench in front of a piano with his back to Alex. Lafayette stood on the other side of the piano, and he grinned at Alex.

They listened in awe to John’s piano playing and clapped when he finished. John quickly turned around to Alex and blushed. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“I didn’t know you played the piano,” Alex said with a smile. John smiled too and shrugged.

“It’s been a while.”

Lafayette guided them out of the room to the front door. On the way, Alex informed John about the bookcase he found. John chuckled and nudged Alex’s arm. “Seems like you found the right people here. I gotta see that.”

“Later,” Lafayette said. “Put on your shoes and a coat, we’re going outside. I want to show you something,” he added with a grin.

They followed Lafayette’s orders and curiously followed him outside. The air was crisp, but not cold enough for snow. Lafayette led the way over a fence into the bushes on the Washington’s property. They stumbled through the plants, until Lafayette suddenly stopped and turned around to the other boys with a triumphant smile. “We’re here!”

Alex raised his eyebrows. “Where?”

John gave him a soft punch. “Here. Where else would we be?”

Alex rolled his eyes and Lafayette chuckled.

“Look,” he said, and he gestured at the plants in front of him. When Alex looked better, he saw it weren’t plants but a hut made of logs and plants. It was quite impressively big.

“Whoa,” Alex said. Lafayette beamed, and led the way in. Now that he was inside, it was more obvious that it was a hut. The walls were made of thin tree trunks and leaves, and there were real though rickety chairs and a table.

“Take a seat,” Lafayette said, sitting down on one of the chairs. John and Alex carefully did as they were told. Alex looked around and noticed a birdhouse just outside the hut, and a shovel supporting one of the walls.

“You made this yourself?” John asked.

Lafayette nodded. “Except the furniture. They’re old things that were going to be thrown away.”

“How long did it take you to build this? It’s quite impressive,” Alex said, still taking everything in.

“When I was younger,” Lafayette began, “Before I was adopted and new to this whole place, I used to go outside and play in the bushes. I’ve always wanted to live on my own in the woods and this was the perfect place to practise.” He chuckled. “Maybe it’s a bit sad. I didn’t like being moved away from homes without having any say in it, so I built my own place. My parents were kind enough to let me play on my own, so I went outside a lot and built this shed. I didn’t tell them and they still don’t know about it, although I’m not scared anymore that they’ll get mad at me. I think this was my way of having control.” Alex nodded in understanding.

“I started off with small sheds that got destroyed by nature,” Lafayette continued with smooth hand gestures. “When I started realising I was going to stay here, I began building this thing. I think I was about thirteen.”

Alex thought back to when he was thirteen. His world was turned upside down. He was new to the foster system and missed his mother and home. He’d been relatively alone for the past years, and to be suddenly placed in a home with two foster parents and three foster children was more than restricting. He fought for his freedom, but was placed in a new foster home and history repeated itself.

“I haven’t made big changes to this place since I was seventeen and left for college,” Lafayette said. “Thomas and I have been here a couple of times since then. He helped me build it too, though I did the most work.”

“Thomas?” John asked with a frown. “Surely not Jefferson?”

Lafayette nodded. “Yes, Thomas Jefferson. He used to live pretty close. Do you know him?”

John huffed. “Yeah, I do. He’s in a couple of my classes.”

“You’re a junior?” Lafayette sounded sceptical. Alex stifled a laugh and John nodded.

“Alex. He’s old,” Lafayette said with wide eyes, and Alex chuckled. “Thomas is older.”

Lafayette shrugged. “We could ask him to come over since we all know him. You and Thomas are friends, right?” he asked Alex.

Alex nodded while John shook his head vigorously, making his curls bounce around.

“Yeah, we’re friends, but John and Thomas… don’t like each other,” Alex said with a helpless shrug. “Anyway,” he quickly changed the subject, “Where did you get that birdhouse?”

They stayed in the hut until they got too cold and started to get hungry so they went back to get lunch.

“It might snow tonight,” Martha said as she served sandwiches for the boys in the dining room, not in a room especially for lunch, Alex noted with a small smile. Lafayette reacted with excitement, while John and Alex pouted and started laughing when they saw each other’s reactions. Lafayette looked at them in amusement.


	3. Chapter 3

“So,” Lafayette said when he finished his sandwiches, leaning his chin on his arms. “Tomorrow is Christmas.”

“I’m aware,” John said.

“What do you guys want?”

“You don’t have presents yet?” Alex frowned. Lafayette had asked him the week before what he should get John.

“Oh, I do,” Lafayette said nonchalantly, “I just want to make sure I got you the right things.” He grinned and winked.

Alex huffed and brought his empty plate to the kitchen. This was his first real Christmas since his mother died. He wasn’t used to giving or receiving presents, so he hoped the others would like the presents he got them. And he was incredibly curious what they got him.

He almost bumped into John when he turned around to leave the kitchen. “Sorry,” he said.

John gave him a smile and ruffled his hair before putting his and Lafayette’s plate in the sink. Alex smiled, unseen by John, and lingered in the kitchen to stay with him.

“You know your shirt is still inside out, right?” Lafayette said, entering the kitchen. Alex looked down at his shirt.

“Yeah.”

They went to the entertainment room and John marvelled at the books while Alex searched through the DVD collection for a film to watch. Lafayette helped him by telling him what the films were about and ultimately picking one himself.

“John!”

Alex imagined himself hugging John from behind to tell him they were going to watch a film, and then snuggling together on the couch. Instead he called him and waited for him on the couch, where John sat down between him and Lafayette. Alex pulled his legs up and wrapped his arms around them to rest his chin on his knees.

“What are we watching?” John asked.

“You’ll see,” Lafayette said with a grin. He started the projector and put the DVD in a thing Alex assumed was something the DVD should be put in, and turned off the lights. Les Misérables started playing.

Lafayette sang along under his breath, while Alex watched the musical with fascination. John crossed his legs and subtly sat closer to Alex. During the songs about love Alex pointedly did not look at John.

“Are they gay?” John whispered at one point, but Alex didn’t know who he was talking about. Lafayette let out an excited squeal, though.

By the time the film ended, Alex rubbed his eyes. He didn’t know if they were watering from intently looking at a screen for so long, or because of the film.

“So? What did you think?” Lafayette asked eagerly when the end credits that he insisted on watching ended.

“It’s really good!” John said, and Alex nodded. Lafayette grinned and pulled out his phone.

“You can watch another film if you want. I’m going to…” he made a vague gesture at the door with his phone. “You know how this stuff works!” With that, Lafayette left Alex and John alone in the entertainment room.

Alex stared at the blank screen in front of him and fidgeted with the hem of his – still inside out – shirt. It was quiet except for the soft whirring of the projector, and it was half-dark.

“Wanna watch another movie?” John asked, breaking the relative silence.

Alex looked at him. He wanted to run a hand through his curls. “Sure. You can pick. I don’t know any of those movies.”

“Okay.” John picked one, put it in the thing DVDs were supposedly supposed to be put in, and sat down next to Alex, closer than before. Was this one of those times the wall between them was thinner?

Alex had no idea what the film was about, just that John was sitting _right there_ and that he was tired. The five hours of sleep were catching up to him. He pushed his luck and rested his head on John’s shoulder, leaning into his side in the process. The familiar feeling of curls brushing his forehead made him smile. He watched the persons on screen step into a car, leaving someone else behind. He didn’t care about the film, because John had started running his hand through his hair and he closed his eyes.

“That’s nice,” he whispered. John hummed in response. Alex wondered how John and he had gotten so close, and he wondered what would happen to that closeness if he told John about his feelings. He was almost sure John had certain feelings for him too, but… There was always that ‘but’. He decided to leave these thoughts for later, because he was too tired and he wanted to experience this moment to the fullest.

It was the first time that he fully realised he was in love with John.

“Dinner is almost ready!” Lafayette said, throwing the door open and waking Alex up. He lingered in the doorway, taking in the scene in front of him. “Alex, please put your shirt on correctly,” he said before closing the door.

Alex blinked a few times. The screen was blank, so he supposed the film was over. He sat up and looked at John, who smiled at him.

“You look adorable,” John said, making Alex’s heart jump. He felt his cheeks heat up.

He ran a hand through his hair to smooth it out, because John had totally messed it up. Not that he minded. “Don’t look,” he told John so he could pull his shirt inside out.

They walked to the dining room together and Alex really wanted to hold John’s hand. Of course he didn’t give in. George and Martha greeted them politely and Lafayette grinned when they came in and took their seats.

If you look up the definition of ‘grinning’ in a dictionary, you’ll find a picture of Lafayette, Alex thought.

After dinner Lafayette took them to the living room, where they hadn’t been before. Alex had, of course, but that was weeks ago and there hadn’t been a Christmas tree. Alex saw that the Washingtons, including Lafayette, had put their presents under the tree.

“John,” he said pointing at the presents, “Are you coming to get our presents?” John nodded, and they went to the guest room to get their presents for the others. Alex grabbed his two big presents for Lafayette and John, trying not to look at the presents John was holding, but failing because they walked down the stairs together. John’s two presents were small. Lafayette’s parents said they’d be giving and receiving presents together, so Alex and John had bought a present for George and Martha together.

They put it under the tree, and though Alex was very curious which ones were for him, he didn’t look. He only had to wait one night.

Lafayette was on the couch with his phone. When John and Alex sat down on the couch as well, he gave them a sad look. “It’s already Christmas in France.”

Alex who sat next to him, looked at Lafayette’s phone. “Who’s- Oh, wait. Your girlfriend, right?”

Lafayette smiled. “Yes! She lives in France. Look…” John leaned his arms on Alex’s legs to see who they were talking about. Lafayette showed them a picture of a tall girl with dark skin and long black hair in an elegant dress.

“This is Adrienne,” he said with a proud smile. “We Skyped when you were…” he cleared his throat dramatically, “Watching a film.”

“She looks lovely,” Alex said, ignoring Lafayette’s last comment.

Lafayette nodded enthusiastically. “She is,” he sighed. “She goes to the same college as us – she’s in your year, John – but she’s back in France for the holidays. Is that snow?”

He jumped off the couch and ran to the window. Alex and John were slower to follow. They saw the thick snowflakes land on the ground and watched with fascination. The first ones melted immediately, but when more snowflakes started to fall, the snow stayed and a thin layer covered the ground.

Alex couldn’t sleep again that night. The window was closed, but he could still hear the snow scrunch when a car drove by. His bed was warm.

“John?” he whispered.

John moved, rolled over, and said, “Yeah?”

“I can’t sleep.” He looked at the alarm clock. It was 1.14 AM.

“Me neither.” John sat up and Alex followed suit. They faced each other, but could barely see each other in the dark.

“Are you nervous for tomorrow?” John asked. Alex shrugged.

“It’s a shame we can’t listen to music now,” he said with a chuckle. John laughed softly and got off the relatively high bed to sit next to Alex. Alex draped his blanket over John’s shoulders.

“I can’t rest my head on your shoulder, you’re too short,” John complained.

Alex shoved him. “Not my fault,” he said and rested his head on John’s shoulder. John put an arm around him and rested his head on top of Alex’s.

“You know,” John said after a short silence, “This is my first Christmas without my family. I haven’t heard anything from them, not even a text from my sister. I think my father prohibited my siblings to interact with me.”

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered. John was silent. Alex moved so he could play with one of John’s curls.

“It’s weird to be here,” Alex said. “I feel like I belong, but at the same time I don’t. This is only my third time here, but Martha and George act like… I don’t know, unlike any adult has ever treated me.”

“In a good way?”

“Yeah.”

“I know. I’ve never met them before, but I feel like they’ve known me my whole life.”

“Exactly!”

John ran a hand through Alex’s hair. “Martha and George are better parents than my parents ever were, and they’re not even _my_ parents. When Martha gave me a hug…”

He didn’t finish his sentence, but Alex knew exactly what he meant, and he nodded. “I know,” he whispered. “I lost my mother years ago, but she suddenly felt so close.”

“Yes.”

“Let’s adopt Martha as our mother.”

John chuckled and sniffled. Alex looked up at him and saw his eyes shine with tears, and he wrapped his arms tight around him. John hugged him back and Alex felt tears of his own start to pool in his eyes. If only he could kiss John.

They held each other for a while, and then pulled away at the same time. John smiled at him with his tear streaked face. Alex realised he wasn’t looking much better himself. He wiped John’s tears away and then his own.

“Thanks, Alex,” John said. Alex’s heart jumped.

“Anytime,” he echoed John from the first time Alex had thanked him.

“Let’s enjoy our time with the Washingtons,” John said. “Merry Christmas!”

Alex chuckled. “Merry Christmas.”

John went back to his own bed and they wished each other good night. Alex listened to John’s breath evening out before he finally fell asleep too.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo it's Christmas  
> AND @idkwhattosayaboutit on tumblr MADE FANART FOR THIS SERIES  
> LOOK [HERE IT IS](https://idkwhattosayaboutit.tumblr.com/post/627885981831495680/ok-so-lexicon-alex-is-an-amazing-writer-and-so-i)

“Merry Christmas!” Lafayette said as he burst into the guest room and flipped on the light. Alex, who had woken up a few minutes ago and had been staring at the ceiling, quickly sat up and immediately looked at John who groaned and rolled over.

“You too,” he said to Lafayette.

“Look out the window,” Lafayette said with a grin before leaving the room and closing the door with a bang. Alex heard Martha grumble at him. He got up and opened the curtain. It was still dark outside, but there was an unmistakeable pack of snow covering the ground and trees. He groaned.

“What?” he heard John’s groggy voice behind him.

“Snow,” he said, staring at the white stuff covering the bare trees. He had to admit it looked quite beautiful. John joined him and pointed at a row of icicles hanging from the gutter above the window.

“Look how beautiful. I kind of wanna draw this.”

Alex shot him a sideward glance. The way John looked at the world outside the window was a look Alex hadn’t seen in his eyes before. John caught his eyes and smiled, making his entire face light up. “Good thing I brought my sketchbook!”

He left Alex’s side and scrambled through his duffel bag, until he got a sketchbook and a pencil. Alex watched him with curious and amused eyes. He was certain that if John were to draw him, he’d draw the heart eyes Alex was making at him. John sat down cross-legged on his bed, facing the window.

“Stay there, Alex,” he said, and Alex frowned, but leaned back against the window. “Uh, could you look outside the window?” John asked. Without questions, Alex did as he was told. He saw that the sky was starting to turn a lighter shade of blue.

After a minute of silence and only the sound of John’s pencil across the paper, Lafayette re-entered the room and Alex turned around startled.

“What are you doing? We’re waiting for you to open the presents,” Lafayette said impatiently.

“We’ll be there in a minute,” John said without looking up from his sketchbook. “Alex, face the window.”

Alex turned back around and in the reflection of the glass he saw Lafayette linger and look over John’s shoulder. “Whoa, John,” he said, his voice full of admiration. John looked up timidly and half-heartedly covered the page he was sketching on with a hand.

“That’s incredible!”

“Thanks,” John muttered.

“But still,” Lafayette said, looking at Alex, “We’re waiting for you.” With that, he left again.

Alex shrugged apologetically. “I’m gonna get dressed.” He slowly grabbed his clothes to change in the bathroom, trying to sneak glances at John’s sketchbook. John snapped it shut and looked at Alex.

“Go on, then!” he said with a smile. Alex huffed and left the room. When he came back with his pyjamas in his hands, he found John still sketching on the bed but dressed, so he supposed John wasn’t _still_ on the bed, but _again_. John was carefully shielding his drawing, and closed and put aside his sketchbook when he noticed Alex.

“Let’s go downstairs,” he said excitedly, hopping off the bed. Alex’s heart jumped when he saw John’s eyes shine, and he couldn’t help but smile. They went down the stairs together, and found the kitchen empty.

“Uh-”

John tugged at Alex’s sleeve. “They’re probably in the living room.”

He was right. Martha and George were sitting on the couch with Lafayette on his phone on the rug in front of them. He was showing Martha a picture Adrienne had probably sent him, judging by the adoring look on his face. When he noticed Alex and John, he patted the rug. George gave Alex a mug of coffee.

“So,” Lafayette said when the ‘good morning’s and ‘merry Christmas’s were exchanged and the boys sat down on the rug facing the Washingtons, “How are we going to do this?” The three boys all looked at Lafayette’s parents expectantly.

“I propose Lafayette picks a random present and whoever it’s for gets to pick the next present, and so forth,” George said.

Lafayette grinned. “Okay!” He inelegantly bent forward to reach the pile of presents under the tree, and grabbed a big one.

“This one is for you, Alex,” he said, handing it to Alex. “It’s from Hercules, and he asked me to give it to you.”

Alex turned red. “I, uh, don’t have anything for him.”

Lafayette made a dismissing gesture with his hand. “Doesn’t matter. Open it!”

Alex looked around at the others and saw their eyes on him and the present. He ripped the wrapping paper off and felt the soft fabric before he saw it. He held the purple sweater up. “Wow. Did he make this himself?”

Lafayette nodded with a big smile.

“Put it on!” John said. Alex grinned and put it on. He remembered his conversation with Hercules about what his favourite colour was. He’d spotted the orange gerbera daisies across the street and said his favourite colour was orange.

“Purple looks good on you!” John said appreciatively. George and Martha agreed.

“Better than orange,” Lafayette said with a wink, obviously remembering the conversation too. Alex smiled and grabbed his phone and opened Snapchat to look at himself, but John grasped it from his hands. “I’ll take a picture,” he said.

Alex smiled for the picture and John handed him his phone back. Alex looked at it. His red hair was messier than he thought, but it still looked nice with the dark purple of the sweater. “Nice,” he said to no one. He typed a caption thanking Hercules for the gift and sent it to him, before putting away his phone again.

He picked a random present and handed it to John, who opened it apprehensively and raised an eyebrow and smiled uncertainly. Alex saw Lafayette trying and failing to hide his smirk, and looked at what he had gotten John. It was a mug, but John seemed to frown at the text on the mug. Alex leaned closer to read it. “But he’s _my_ ” he read out loud. He frowned and looked at Lafayette, who didn’t try to hide his grin anymore. “Wait till you get yours,” he said to Alex.

John thanked Lafayette a little indecisively, and got a present for Martha from the pile. It was a handbook for gardening from Lafayette. She thanked him with a hug, and gave him the next present: pyjamas. Lafayette flushed and thanked both his parents.

Again, John said “Put it on!”, and Lafayette threw his new pyjama pants right into his face, muffling his laughter.

“John,” Lafayette read the tag on the next present. Alex got nervous when he saw it was his present. He watched John’s face carefully for a reaction. John’s entire face lit up when he unfolded the dark green hoodie, and looked at Alex. “Is this from you?”

Alex nodded and blushed. John traced his fingers over the blue and yellow embroidered flowers on the hoodie.

“Hercules embroidered those,” Alex said quietly. “Blue and yellow for…”

“Peace and friendship,” John finished with a dazzling smile. Alex smiled and nodded timidly and blushed even more furiously. He hoped John would notice the red rose on the sleeve, because Alex was not going to point it out to him.

“Put it on!” Lafayette said loudly, and John chuckled, putting the hoodie on. Alex’s heart raced, but John didn’t notice the small rose on his left sleeve. Alex had faith that he would eventually. John caught him off-guard with a big hug, and Alex melted into the touch. Too soon, John let him go. He was met with another dazzling smile. “Thank you, Alex,” he said. Alex ducked his head.

John got up to give the Washingtons the next present. “This is from both me and Alex,” he said, handing it to George. He opened it, revealing the voucher for a dinner for two. Lafayette crumpled the pieces of wrapping paper already covering the floor together.

“That’s nice,” Martha said, taking the voucher from George’s hands. “Thanks, boys!”

She picked the next present: three pairs of colourful socks for Lafayette. He excitedly put two different socks on and wiggled his toes. “Thanks, John!” he said.

John chuckled. “How do you even know it was me?”

Lafayette gave him a look as if it was obvious. “Anyone can tell you give the best presents.”

John laughed and covered his face with a hand. Alex thought it looked adorable. “I object,” John said weakly. “Alex’s present for me is much better.” Lafayette shrugged and gave Alex his second present.

He opened the small but relatively heavy present with great curiosity. His mouth fell open when he saw what was inside, and he looked up to find both Washingtons, Lafayette not included, beaming at him.

“What?” John asked, scooting closer. Alex showed him.

“A new phone! Because my old phone… You know the story,” he said with a slightly ashamed chuckle.

“Dude! That’s awesome!”

Alex beamed and opened the small box to find a shiny black phone. “I’ll set it up later,” he said. “Thanks!”

George nodded at him. “No problem, son,” he said. Alex carefully put the phone back in the box and threw the wrapping paper at Lafayette. He grabbed the next present from the quickly shrinking pile, and gave it to George. It was a pair of gardening gloves, and he huffed a laugh.

“You want me and mom to go gardening together, huh?” he said to Lafayette, who smiled innocently. George handed Lafayette one of the two big presents left in the pile, which could hardly be called a pile anymore since there were now only three presents left. Lafayette opened the present from Alex and immediately put the dark blue hoodie with a picture of Lumière and Plumette dancing on. “I take back what I said about John giving the best presents, obviously Alex is better,” he said with a smile.

“Told you,” John said, slinging an arm around Alex’s shoulders. Alex, taken aback by the sudden gesture, chuckled.

Lafayette grabbed the three remaining presents. “Let’s do this tactically.” He squinted his eyes at the presents, as if this way he could tell who each one was from. He probably could. There were two presents left for Alex and one for John. Eventually he handed Alex a flat, square present.

Alex took it from him and saw John having the same reaction Alex had when John opened his present. He quickly ripped the wrapping paper off, and found a transparent CD case with a white CD inside. On the CD was a handwritten list in John’s handwriting. He read the listed song titles and his eyes lingered on the last song – Downtown, with a heart next to it. A warm feeling spread through his chest and with gleaming eyes he looked up at John, who was biting his lip.

“Thank you,” he whispered, and hugged John tightly. He was glad he couldn’t see the others. When he pulled back, he saw John smile tenderly at him, and he blushed. Alex cleared his throat and carefully put the CD by his new phone.

He grabbed the present that wasn’t for himself and handed it to John. ‘This way up’, a note written in neat handwriting said. It could only be the Washingtons’s present. They had asked Alex for suggestions on what to get John. He watched John rip the paper away and saw a plant being uncovered. “Wow,” John said breathlessly, looking up at George and Martha on the couch. “Thanks!” He read the tag while Alex admired the leaves with different shades of green, brown, and yellow. John quickly put it on the floor behind him.

“That leaves us one present,” Lafayette said solemnly, handing Alex the last present, not able to hide his smirk. Alex suddenly remembered that Lafayette had given John a mug, and supposed the text on it would become clear once he opened his present. “I think it’s an elephant,” he mumbled before tearing the paper away. John snorted.

‘IDIOT’ he read. He blinked and looked at Lafayette, who covered his mouth with a hand. His eyes betrayed the laughter behind them.

“Idiot,” Alex said, tasting the word on his tongue.

“But you’re _my_ idiot,” John said snickering, nudging Alex with his shoulder. Alex laughed and shook his head. “Thanks Lafayette,” he said, feeling his cheeks heat up. He leaned against John.

“But I’m _your_ idiot.”


	5. Chapter 5

After a big and festive breakfast Lafayette brought his new clothing items to his room and followed Alex and John to the guest room. His parents went to church. Alex put his new CD in his bag while John put his plant on the ground by his own duffel bag. They’d both drunk from their new mugs at breakfast, so those were being washed.

The three boys with their new sweaters flopped down on Alex’s bed, gathered around Alex’s new phone. Lafayette and John helped Alex set up his phone and they sent Snapchats to Hercules and each other. Hercules had sent Alex a not-so-charming selfie in response to his thanks for the sweater. Hercules soon sent them Snaps back, showing off his presents and asking to see theirs. Alex and Lafayette sort of introduced John and Hercules to each other, meaning they gave them each other’s usernames. They soon wish they hadn’t, because John was sending Hercules not-so-charming pictures of Alex and Lafayette, to Hercules’s amusement.

They soon lost Lafayette’s attention, who was busy texting Adrienne and sending her pictures of his presents, which he eventually left the room for. Alex continued downloading apps and familiarising himself with his phone. John picked up his pencil and continued that morning’s sketch. The snow was starting to melt and the icicles were dripping, but Martha said it was going to snow again later that day.

Alex occasionally looked at John, who was focused on his drawing and oblivious to Alex. He hadn’t had his hair in a ponytail since the night before Christmas Eve, but Alex saw him constantly tuck his hair behind his ear.

“Why don’t you put your hair in a ponytail?” Alex eventually asked. John looked up in surprise and smiled sheepishly.

“I lost my hair tie,” he said with a small shrug.

“Will your hair stay back if it’s braided?” Alex asked, hoping he could get John’s permission to braid his hair.

John cocked his head. “I think so, why?”

“Can I braid it?” Alex asked with a hopefully charming smile.

John grinned. “I don’t know, can you?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Are you challenging me?”

John shrugged again. “Sure,” he said, closing his sketchbook. Alex smiled and jumped off his bed to sit behind John. He ignored the speed at which his heart was beating and combed his fingers through John’s curls. “Do you have a brush?” John handed him one and Alex started working on his hair.

A movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked for the source of it, and saw John’s right thumb stroke the small embroidered rose on his left sleeve. Alex’s heart started pounding twice as fast and he felt his cheeks heat up, while he pretended not to notice John touching the flower. So John had found the rose.

“Done,” Alex said when the braid was done, and John handed him a tie. Alex looked at it for a moment and gave a soft tug on John’s braid.

“Ow!” John said, but smiled at the same time. “I just found it back,” he lied not very convincingly.

“Sure,” Alex said, tying the tie at the end of the braid, giving it another soft tug. Had John purposefully kept his hair down? Why? John turned his head to Alex. If they were dating, Alex would’ve casually kissed him right now because he looked perfect. His heart ached.

“Can you take a picture?” John asked, running a hand over the braid. Alex nodded, afraid that his voice would give his feelings away, and pulled out his new phone. He struggled a bit with the settings, but managed to take a clear picture.

“Nice,” John said with a smile when Alex showed it to him. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Alex said, giving his hair another soft tug. John rolled his eyes.

Alex saw a Snapchat notification and opened the Snap Lafayette sent him. It was a picture of a pouting Lafayette with the caption ‘Qui veut regarder un film avec ce pauvre garçon?’

“Who wants to watch a film with this poor boy,” Alex translated. John gave him a weird look, and Alex showed him the Snap.

“Let’s ask if Lafayette wants to watch a movie,” John proposed.

“Just what I was thinking!” Alex said, and they laughed and went over to Lafayette’s room where they found him sprawled on the bed on his phone.

“There you are,” he said with a smile. He suddenly sat up and ordered John to turn around. He got off the bed to admire John’s braid. “Did you do this?” he asked Alex, who nodded.

“Can you do my hair too?”

Alex chuckled. “Sure.”

“Let’s do that in the entertainment room while we watch a film,” he said, already searching for a brush and hair tie.

John and Alex went to the entertainment room while Lafayette went to the kitchen. When he came back with a tray with drinks and snacks, he put it down and went over to the DVD collection to pick the film.

They made themselves comfortable on the floor – in Lafayette’s case – and the couch, and John started the film. Alex started braiding Lafayette’s hair, only half paying attention to the film. When he was done braiding, Lafayette thanked him quietly and without taking his eyes off the screen he moved to the couch. Alex moved closer to John to make space for Lafayette, and ended up leaning into him. He knew John didn’t mind.

Now that he had no idea what the film was about, he lost interest in it soon. He started fidgeting with the hem and sleeves of his new sweater and ended up eating most of the popcorn. He thought he heard the Washingtons come home at one point, but couldn’t be sure due to the noise of the film. He rested his head on John’s shoulder, who absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair. Alex smiled when he realised this was John’s automatic response, and also because it felt so nice. He nuzzled closer and watched the film with half closed eyes. He didn’t get why this was a Christmas movie, it was just like any other movie but with a Christmas tree somewhere. He mentally shrugged and continued watching.

He lost interest in the film again when John stilled his hand. Alex thought John probably didn’t even realise it, but it was his greatest concern at the moment. He looked up at John, whose eyes were fixed on the screen. He sat up and pulled John’s hair tie from his hair, and combed his hands through his curls. Alex had braided his hair so it wouldn’t fall in his eyes, but John wasn’t drawing anymore. He saw that John noticed but let it happen, and Alex continued with a smug smile. He ran his fingers through John’s hair like John did with his, and he smiled when John leaned into the touch.

Soon the film ended and Alex sighed in relief. Not that he minded being so close to John, but he found the film quite annoying. John chuckled.

“What?” Alex asked.

John ruffled his hair. “Nothing.”

Alex crossed his arms and gave John a look that he hoped was intense.

“What did he do to your hair this time?” Lafayette asked, ruining the moment. Alex rolled his eyes and went to sit on the floor so he could face both Lafayette and John.

“Nothing he wouldn’t do to mine,” he said defensively.

“He’s just glad the film is over,” John said to Lafayette, who chuckled.

“Yes, I can tell.”

Alex got to his feet and switched on the lights. Then he saw Lafayette’s hair and grimaced.

“Lafayette, your braid looks like shit,” he said dryly.

His friend snorted. “Thanks.”

“I’m not doing it again,” Alex said, leaving the room. He was extremely bored and started saying things that didn’t make much sense to anyone else but him. He went to the bathroom and when he went to the kitchen afterwards, he saw that Martha and George were back and that it was snowing again.

Lafayette entered the kitchen with the tray with John behind him. He gasped when he looked out the window and put the tray on the counter.

“It’s snowing! Let’s go outside!”

Alex would usually groan, but now he was glad for the change. It was too warm inside anyway. “Yes!” He looked at John excitedly, but John didn’t seem to want to go outside. Lafayette gave Alex a weird look, and he shrugged.

“Let’s go!” Lafayette said before running off to the hallway. Alex tugged on John’s sleeve and they followed Lafayette. They were putting on their coats when Martha entered the hallway, who gave them a critical look. Lafayette was bundled up in his coat, a scarf, a hat, and gloves, while Alex and John only had their coats.

“Hi mom,” Lafayette said, “We’re going outside!”

“Boys,” she said to Alex and John, “Won’t you get cold? I’m sure we have some extra scarves and gloves.”

Alex shook his head vehemently, but John nodded. “That would be nice,” he said, giving Alex a look.

The shorter boy crossed his arms. “I’ll be fine.”

Martha gave him an uncertain smile, before reaching for a basket with all sorts of things like gloves, earmuffs, and – weirdly – socks. Despite himself, Alex bent closer when Martha rummaged through it, but backed off when he remembered his protests. He would be fine.

They went outside once John got a yellow scarf and gloves and Martha had approved of them, giving Alex another worried frown. He shrugged it off. He didn’t like to think about it, but he’d lived on the streets with only a thin coat. Admittedly, there wasn’t snow back then, but he had a thicker coat now.

Thick snowflakes fluttered down and landed on top of their heads. The snow scrunched under their shoes and their feet were soon drenched. Alex was worried John didn’t like it out in the snow and kept shooting him nervous glances, until an unexpected snowball hit his arm. He yelped and heard Lafayette laugh. He was glad to see that John laughed too, but glared at Lafayette and made a snowball too.

He missed Lafayette by a few inches because he’d seen it coming, and Lafayette hit him on his chest. Alex immediately brought his hands to his chest and brushed the snow off, ignoring any thoughts. He wanted to have fun.

“Oh- Sorry Alex,” Lafayette said awkwardly.

“It’s okay,” Alex said with a reassuring smile, which turned into a grin when John threw a snowball that hit Lafayette on the shoulder. Alex beamed at John, but was immediately hit on the head with a snowball.

“John!” he exclaimed. “Shit, that’s cold.” John’s laughter was silenced by a snowball from Lafayette. Alex was busy brushing the snow from his hair and he felt a trickle of ice-cold water creep down his neck.

“Shit, shit, _shit_ ,” he said throwing his head back in an attempt to stop the water. Eventually he ignored it and joined in on the snowball fight between his friends.

His hands quickly got cold and his ears and nose too, and he was certain his cheeks were red. He shook his hands in an attempt to regain feeling in his fingers, but to no avail. It stopped snowing. Alex didn’t notice it at first, until John said, “Hey, it’s stopped snowing!”

Alex looked around. The snow on the ground was trampled and soggy. Lafayette and John were building a snowman, but Alex stood to the side because he was cold. He strolled around with his hands in his pockets to try to stay warm. He liked to imagine that it was working. He puffed clouds of breath into the air.

“Alex!” John called. Alex looked back at him.

“Yeah?” He noticed his teeth were clattering.

John ran towards him and came to a halt in front of him, and Alex grabbed his arms to keep him from slipping. “Aren’t you cold?” John asked.

Alex realised there was no denying it and nodded.

“We should go back inside, but come look at the snowman first!”

Alex chuckled at his enthusiasm and John slung an arm around his shoulders on the way to the snowman. Lafayette was kneeled on the ground smoothing out the snowman’s ‘skin’, as he called it. Alex wondered where they got the carrot that functioned as the snowman’s nose.

Still under John’s arm, he admired the snowman and complimented his and Lafayette’s work.

“Can we go inside now?”

Lafayette looked up at him with a grin. “Are you cold, Alex?”

Alex nodded and huddled closer to John. Lafayette took a few pictures of the snowman and then the three of them went back to the house, where Lafayette and John stripped off the layers. Alex couldn’t move the zipper of his coat because his hands were too cold, so he waited for John or Lafayette to help him.

Martha came into the hallway and immediately fussed over them. She helped Alex dispose of his coat and shoes, and told all of them to change into dry clothes. When they came back downstairs after having changed, George was in the living room with hot cocoa and blankets. The boys huddled close on the couch under the blankets and Lafayette showed his father the pictures of the snowman while Alex curled up against John. The hot cocoa was still too warm to drink or even hold.

Alex clenched the blanket in his fists and bought it up to his nose. John patted him on the head.

“We told you to wear warmer things,” John said.

Alex nodded. “I know.” He sniffled, because he suddenly had a runny nose. “Can I have a tissue?” he asked George, who handed him a whole box.

“You’re an idiot,” John said.

Alex chuckled. “But I’m _your_ idiot.”

“True.”

His heart jumped and he smiled up at John.


	6. Chapter 6

“That wasn’t too bad,” Alex said to the dark ceiling when he and John were in bed that night. He heard John shift.

“What wasn’t?”

Alex saw that John was lying across the bed with his head just hanging off the side, supported by his arms.

“Christmas,” Alex said, rolling onto his side so he was facing John. The white of his eyes stood out in the dark room.

John huffed a laugh. “That’s an understatement. It was amazing, probably the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

Lafayette had introduced Adrienne via Skype to John and Alex. She was very kind and had great humour, in Alex’s opinion. It was already late at night in France when they Skyped, so Alex and John left Lafayette alone to talk to his girlfriend.

After a delicious dinner they had an even more delicious dessert, and after that Alex redid Lafayette’s braid with Martha’s help. His fingers were itching to do John’s hair as well, but John simply tied it back in his usual ponytail. The boys hung out in the entertainment room until they got tired and went to bed just after midnight.

“Yeah,” Alex agreed with John. They lay in the dark in a comfortable silence. Alex didn’t hear any cars driving by, the only things he heard were the faint sound of John breathing and his own heart pounding in his ears. He watched John, grateful for the darkness. He could see the outline of his curls and John’s eyes watching him.

“Alex,” John whispered.

“Yeah?” he whispered back. John was quiet for a moment and looked away. Alex wondered what he wanted to say. He seemed nervous, which made Alex nervous too.

John took a deep breath and looked at Alex. “You said Hercules embroidered the flowers on the hoodie you gave me, right?”

Alex nodded, realised John could probably not see him properly, and said “Yes.” He realised where this conversation was going and his heartbeat picked up.

John took another deep breath. “And- Uh, did he… Did you…”

“I asked him to add the rose on the sleeve,” Alex answered the unspoken question with a racing heart and surprisingly steady voice. He now wished there was more light in the room. With wide eyes he searched John’s face for a reaction.

John looked back. “You know what a red rose means, right?” he eventually whispered.

“I do,” Alex whispered. He also knew he’d screwed up. The request to embroider a rose on the sleeve had been an impulsive decision, which even Hercules had raised an eyebrow at. He wished he hadn’t done it. He knew he made too many impulsive decisions, as he had proven this very day by going out in the snow. He was definitely going to get a cold.

“I’m an idiot,” he said, and he instantly regretted it.

“But you’re _my_ idiot,” John said with an unsteady voice, and Alex could see his white teeth as he grinned.

It was quiet again, and at this point the conversation could go in any direction. It was up to John to decide where to go. It was that Alex could see John’s eyes on him, or he’d have thought John had fallen asleep.

“Alex,” John said, not whispering like before. Alex didn’t bother saying anything back but made a questioning noise, encouraging John to go on.

“You know I like you. I told you before, I like you just the way you are, and I like you because you’re _you_ , remember?”

Alex nodded, not sure what John meant. He did remember, he just wasn’t sure why John was bringing that up now. Had that been his love confession? Or was Alex reading too much into it?

“Why the hell are we making such a big deal out of it,” John sighed. Alex frowned, his heart beating in his throat.

“What?”

John rolled out of bed and sat cross-legged on the ground in front of Alex, who lifted himself with his arms to mirror his position.

“Alex,” John said a little desperately, “I thought it was obvious.” He was quiet for a moment, searching Alex’s face. “I love you too.”

Alex sat there in a stunned silence, unable to say a word. He was ignoring his hammering heart and looked at the guy in front of him. John’s words echoed in his ears. John loved him too.

“Like,” he managed to say, “For real? I mean, love?”

John chuckled. “Yes Alex, I love you!” he said with a wide smile.

Alex laughed in disbelief, and flung his arms around John’s neck and hugged him, and he felt John wrap his arms around him tightly. His heart was pounding, but in a good way. He didn’t care that he was in a very uncomfortable position, because John was there. John loved him. He loved John.

“Can I kiss you?” John whispered in his ear.

Alex couldn’t stop smiling and he pulled back to face John, only inches away from his face. “Yes,” he breathed, and pressed his lips to John’s, who immediately responded.

He felt his heart melt and he felt dizzy when he pulled away from John’s soft lips. Alex had somehow ended up on his lap, which was more comfortable. He suddenly realised John’s hand was on the back of his head, and his own were in John’s curls. It hadn’t even been a conscious decision. He didn’t need light to see John beam because he felt the heat radiate from his cheeks.

He pulled John closer again in a tight hug. He wanted to hold him as close as possible and never have to let go. John moved a hand up to Alex’s hair and began running his fingers through it, making Alex dizzier as he relaxed against John.

“I love it when you do that,” he whispered.

John chuckled softly. “I know,” he said, before kissing Alex again. Alex poured his entire heart into it and kissed him back with heat. They were both panting when they pulled back, and they grinned at each other.

“John?” Alex asked, still slightly out of breath.

“Yes?”

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

John gave a breathless laugh. “Yes! Of course!”

Alex’s smile grew wider and he hugged John again, closing his eyes. They stayed in that position for a while and Alex began to feel how tired he was. He supposed the adrenaline kick was wearing off, and he yawned.

“Is it okay if I sleep in your bed tonight?” he asked. He felt John nod.

“But only because it’s more comfortable. You can sleep here,” Alex teased, and John tightened his grip on him.

“Sorry, but that’s impossible because I’m not letting you go,” John mumbled. Alex chuckled.

John lifted Alex on the bed and they wrapped the blanket around themselves. Alex was too tired to keep his eyes open and John traced his face with a finger.

“I love you,” he mumbled.

“I love you too,” John responded, and Alex smiled. He wasn’t sure if John had really said it or if he had even said it himself – maybe he was already dreaming. It felt magical anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

Light streamed in through the window and woke Alex up. He wondered how he had managed to stay asleep for so long. He rolled over and reality hit him. John was his boyfriend. Alex couldn’t help but smile and he opened his eyes to find John sitting on the bed, sketching. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he sat up, and John smiled his heart-warming smile.

“Good morning,” he said.

“Morning,” Alex said, and he leaned forward to kiss John tenderly on the lips.

“What’re you drawing?” he asked.

John blushed and looked down at his sketchbook, shielding it from Alex. “I’ll show you when it’s done.” Alex pouted, but John simply grinned at him. “We’d better get dressed,” he said. Alex nodded reluctantly.

When they were both dressed and ready to go downstairs for breakfast, John stopped Alex before they left the room.

“Do we tell them? About us?”

Alex looked into John’s eyes and hesitated. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’d- I’d rather not, if that’s okay?”

John nodded. “Of course that’s okay. Why, though?”

Alex sighed and leaned back against the door. “I just- I don’t know.” He looked at John, who frowned and sat down on the bed. Alex did know why, but didn’t know how to explain it. He just felt like not everyone needed to know about what he did with his life. He sat down next to John and tried again.

“In a foster home a couple of years back I had this thing with a girl. She’d come over when no one else was home. She was great and listened to me, even though she didn’t share much about herself. She- Now that I look back, I should’ve noticed there was something off,” he said bitterly as an afterthought. John gave him a questioning look.

“One time she came over when my foster brother was home,” Alex continued. “She left before he made his presence known. I didn’t know at the time that the girl, Maria, knew my foster brother was home. I had just closed the door behind her and went up to my room when he, James, cornered me. Apparently,” he almost spat, “Maria was his girlfriend.”

John knitted his eyebrows together. “What?”

Alex nodded. “Maria knew I was James’s foster brother. I still don’t know if it was a setup or not. Anyway, James threatened to get me kicked out of the foster home. Honestly, it was a good home. If I didn’t pay him, he’d tell the parents that I had fucked his girlfriend, which wasn’t even true. So I worked my ass off to pay him, but in the end it wasn’t enough.”

“What happened?”

Alex gave John a humourless smile. “It was a stupid fight. He didn’t want to do the dishes but I wasn’t going to do it for him. Our parents intervened and asked what was going on and James told them I fucked his girlfriend. They asked me if it was true that I had ‘a thing’ with his girlfriend, they were afraid to say fuck I guess, so I said yes. It was true, I had ‘a thing’ with his girlfriend, and I admitted that I knew she was James’s girlfriend. I don’t know what else James told them to get me kicked out, because they weren’t the worst parents who would just send kids away. But that’s what happened to me. I had to pack my stuff and was taken away within a week. That was a weird week.”

“Shit, dude.”

“Yeah. So…” Alex fidgeted with his sleeve.

John gave a hollow chuckle. “I get it. We’ll tell people whenever you’re ready, and if you’ll never be ready, so be it. You know I’ll always be here for you.” He slung an arm around Alex’s shoulders.

Alex smiled at his boyfriend. “I know, and that’s enough for me.”

His stomach growled. “Let’s eat breakfast,” he said with a sheepish grin.

Alex grinned when Lafayette, who was the only one in the kitchen until John and Alex entered, handed them their mugs with coffee. He nudged John.

“I’m your idiot,” he said. John grinned back.

“Damn right you are.”

Lafayette smiled and raised his eyebrows at them, but ignored them in favour of texting Adrienne.

“So,” Lafayette said when Alex and John had finished their coffee and breakfast. “Are you guys sure you don’t want to stay here for New Year’s Eve?”

Alex nodded without hesitation. They’d discussed this before, but now he was certain since he wanted to spend it with his boyfriend. Initially he’d made the decision because he knew after a couple of days constantly surrounded by others he would want some time to be alone. He was half glad that this was their last day with the Washingtons. From the corner of his eye he saw John shoot him a look.

“Yeah, we want to spend some- time… alone…” John stammered.

Lafayette frowned a little.

“No offence,” John quickly said, “But constantly being in the company of others can be tiring.”

“Ah,” Lafayette said, “I get that.”

“Even my company?” Alex asked, faux offended.

John shoved him. “Yes,” he said, and Alex pouted. “ _Especially_ your company.” Alex grinned.

“Good.”

“What the hell does that mean?” John laughed.

Alex shrugged. “I don’t know,” he chuckled. He gave John an intimate look and almost forgot Lafayette was there too.

“By the way,” he quickly changed the subject, “Will the house owner- What’s his name again?”

“Mr. Adams,” John supplied.

“Yes. Will he be at the apartment?”

“I don’t think so, he’s gotta bring people home,” John said.

Lafayette cleared his throat. “What?”

“He’s a taxi driver,” Alex said.

“Ah.”

It had continued to snow that night, so there was a fresh layer of the white powder. The boys didn’t go outside this time because they all agreed it was too cold. They spent most of the day hanging out in the entertainment room, messing around on their phones and reading. Alex and Lafayette had tried to convince John to play something on the piano, but John politely declined.

Alex was fascinated by the large number of books there were in the entertainment room and was determined to finish at least two books. He was halfway through the first one when John joined him on the beanbag, which meant he sat half on Alex’s lap because there wasn’t enough space otherwise. Alex quickly looked around, and relaxed when he saw Lafayette wasn’t in the room.

“Where’s Lafayette?” he asked John, who was trying to read Alex’s book.

“He’s eating lunch. Not a bad idea, though,” he said, suggestively raising an eyebrow.

Alex felt the corner of his mouth twitch into half a smile. “Why are you saying it like that?” he asked, leaning his head on John’s chest. He was beyond glad he could just do that without having to second-guess John’s reaction.

“You’ve been reading non-stop. I don’t believe you’ve let go of this book since you got your hands on it.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

John patted Alex’s head. “I know how hard it is to separate you and books. Come on, let’s eat something.”

“Okay,” Alex said, bookmarking the page and closing the book. “See? Wasn’t so hard.” John scoffed and pulled Alex to his feet. They walked hand in hand until they reached the kitchen and Alex had to wipe the smile off his face.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anshajnxhsa it's the last chapter  
> There's a playlist at the end ;)

George brought the boys back to the apartment that afternoon. Lafayette joined them on the ride, because he wanted to see the apartment. Martha had hugged the boys goodbye, and Alex lingered in her embrace. It felt so motherly. Alex and John said goodbye to George in the car, Lafayette carried John’s plant upstairs and followed John into his room, while Alex dumped his bag in his own. His room looked oddly boring and the usual mess hadn’t magically disappeared. He didn’t have much time to think about it though, because Lafayette came in.

“Your room is a mess too! How do you two get anything done?”

John chuckled from behind Lafayette’s back.

They showed Lafayette around the apartment, and then had to say goodbye to him. John and Alex watched from the doorway as Lafayette walked down the stairs. We’re like an old married couple, Alex thought, and he smiled, leaning into John’s side.

John closed the door and gave Alex an intimate look, which made his heart flutter.

“We have the apartment to ourselves,” Alex said.

“We do,” John agreed, and they met each other’s lips in a kiss.

New Year’s Eve was around the corner when Alex found John sketching in the living room. The past few days he’d constantly been having a weird feeling, and he blamed it on the fact that they were between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, and that he and John were now boyfriends. But now that he saw John so concentrated on his drawing, he understood.

He felt like he belonged. This apartment wasn’t just a place where he ate and slept anymore, it was home. John was here, and John was home. John made him feel like he belonged. To see his boyfriend so at home in a place he’d been afraid to call _his_ apartment, made him realise he was right to not call it his. It was _their_ apartment, even though they each only rented one room. Alex smiled, feeling a warm feeling spread through his chest, and watched John draw. He still wasn’t allowed to see the drawing.

Their plans for New Year’s Eve were simple. Alex was in the kitchen all day, cooking spaghetti from scratch. John came in several times for a drink or to wash the graphite off his hands, but Alex supposed there was more to it. John would watch him with squinted eyes, and Alex suspected he was being sketched. He let him be.

They ate the spaghetti when it had already gone dark outside. The kitchen was a mess, but the food was delicious. John said the light in the living room was boring, so he moved the string with lightbulbs from his bedroom to the living room. Alex switched off the main light and the yellow lights immediately gave the room a cosier atmosphere.

“Have you listened to the CD I gave you for Christmas yet?” John asked. Alex shook his head and smiled, knowing what John was implying. He hurried to his room and came back with the CD, while John ran off to his own room for the CD player.

Alex ceremoniously gave him the CD and John put it in the device, grinning at Alex before hitting the play button. A guitar began to play and Alex recognised the song John had played and sung a few times for him, and his face lit up. John beamed and sang along, grabbing Alex’s hands to dance with him. This time he didn’t hesitate and let John guide him along.

_“Our friends would all make fun of us, and we’ll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way…”_

He didn’t know the next song, but John made him dance anyway. John sang along again, changing the pronouns to match Alex’s. _“Had it been another day, I might have looked the other way, and I’d have never been aware…”_ Alex realised how strangely accurate that line was. So much had begun that night after Alex’s job rejection, and he couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if John had looked the other way.

The next song started with piano music, and an accordion joined in. Alex dramatically mouthed the lyrics. They now had the entire living room to dance through instead of just John’s bedroom, and John and he happily used the space. _“Now John at the bar is a friend of mine…”_ Alex grinned at John.

Alex didn’t know the song that came after, but it started with piano music too and was just as happy as the previous songs. John mouthed the ‘La lalalala la’s and Alex laughed at his facial expressions. They danced energetically through the faintly lit room.

The song after that started calmer with a guitar, and Alex recognised the song, probably from an ad. “You gotta learn this on the guitar!” he told John, who merely grinned and continued singing along. _“Sun, sun, sun, here it comes…”_

Piano music and Freddie Mercury’s voice filled the living room next, but Alex didn’t know the song. He liked it though because of how cheerful it was. _“So très charmant, my dear,”_ John sang along, dragging Alex through the room by his hands.

Luckily the few songs after that weren’t as suited to dance to so they took the time to catch their breaths, not passing up the opportunity to mouth the lyrics. Another song by Elton John played and John tenderly took Alex’s hands, singing along to some of the lyrics.

 _“You’ll marry a music man…”_ Alex couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face, and he kissed John in an impulse.

_“Only you, and you can hear me, when I say softly, slowly… Hold me closer, tiny dancer…”_

Alex wrapped his arms around John, feeling his chest rise and fall as he sang.

_“Count the headlights on the highway… Lay me down in sheets of linen… You had a busy day today…”_

They kissed when the music faded away, until they heard the familiar piano music from the last song on the CD. Even Alex sang along to the lyrics, and they danced hand in hand.

_“Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city! Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty… How can you lose…”_

_“Downtown!”_

_“We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares…”_

_“Downtown!”_

They laughed and panted as the last notes faded away, and they flopped down on the couch.

“Thank you John,” Alex said with an adoring smile. John wrapped an arm around him with a matching smile.

“Anytime, Lexi.” Alex chuckled at the nickname and snuggled closer to John, who smelled like sweat, and he wrinkled his nose.

“Let’s get changed before we do anything else,” he proposed.

John shot the clock a look and nodded. “That’s not a bad idea.”

With ten minutes until midnight they changed into pyjamas – because those were comfortable and soft – and Alex smiled when he saw John wear the green hoodie with flowers. He also noticed the wooden frame John was holding and he gave it a curious look.

“What’s that?”

John smiled and blushed. “This is the thing I’ve been drawing.”

He sat down on the leather couch and Alex followed. John handed him the frame and Alex held his breath when he saw the drawing that was inside it. It was him in the Washingtons’ guest room, looking out the window at a snowy landscape. Alex held it closer to his eyes to see all the details and he saw how detailed everything was.

“John…” he sighed. “It’s so beautiful…”

The landscape outside the window only slightly resembled the real one. There were hints of purple in the snow, contrasting Alex’s red hair. The window reflected Alex’s violet blue eyes and his red hair, which was also reflected in the icicles. Through the glass Alex’s eyes looked straight at the viewer.

“The details, whoa…” He looked up at John, who shyly smiled and was furiously blushing. Alex grinned and just had to kiss him, which John didn’t object to. Alex couldn’t be happier that he could just kiss John. Months ago he couldn’t even imagine being this close to his then unknown housemate.

They watched Times Square on TV as the ball dropped, announcing the new year, and kissed again.

“Happy new year, Lexi!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
> Hey There Delilah – Plain White T’s  
> I’ve Just Seen A Face – The Beatles  
> Piano Man – Billy Joel  
> Crocodile Rock – Elton John  
> Here Comes The Sun – The Beatles  
> Seaside Rendezvous – Queen  
> Starman – David Bowie  
> Viva La Vida – Coldplay  
> Tiny Dancer – Elton John  
> Downtown – Petula Clark

**Author's Note:**

> :)  
> Sooo that was the last chapter, but it's not the last work in the series!! I hope you enjoyed it <3  
> By the way, I'm learning Downtown on the bass guitar :)
> 
> I know I say this every time, but please let me know what you think, it means a lot to me <3  
> 


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